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WRINKLES: Something other people have. I have character lines.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest Labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
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Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York : Born 1903--Died 1942. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.
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In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery: Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.
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On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cem et ery , Nova Scotia : Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only the Good Die Young.
=============================
In a London , England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767
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In a Ribbesford, England , cem et ery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread, and the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna.
=============================
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.
=============================
A lawyer's epitaph in England : Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.
=============================
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
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In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery: Here lays The Kid. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger But slow on the draw.
=============================
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England cem et ery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, dig six fe et deep and thou wilt find a Penny.
=============================
In a Hartscombe, England cemetery: On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.
=============================
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls , Vermont : Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go.
=============================
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket , Massachussetts : Under the sod and under the trees, lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod. Pease shelled out and went to God.
=============================
In a cemetery in England : Remember man, as you walk by, as you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be. Remember this and follow me. To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: To follow you, I'll not consent until I know which way you went.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest Labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
---------------------
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York : Born 1903--Died 1942. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.
=============================
In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery: Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.
=============================
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cem et ery , Nova Scotia : Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only the Good Die Young.
=============================
In a London , England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767
=============================
In a Ribbesford, England , cem et ery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread, and the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna.
=============================
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.
=============================
A lawyer's epitaph in England : Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.
=============================
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
=============================
In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery: Here lays The Kid. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger But slow on the draw.
=============================
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England cem et ery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, dig six fe et deep and thou wilt find a Penny.
=============================
In a Hartscombe, England cemetery: On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.
=============================
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls , Vermont : Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go.
=============================
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket , Massachussetts : Under the sod and under the trees, lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod. Pease shelled out and went to God.
=============================
In a cemetery in England : Remember man, as you walk by, as you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be. Remember this and follow me. To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: To follow you, I'll not consent until I know which way you went.
amused
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